The Hardest Step

The next step in the Journey is the hardest. I have written in my first book how Jesus helped me come out a life of dysfunction. The following is the first principle He taught me. You do not have to believe in Him for these principles to work in your life, and set you free. But I use His name in all my writing as that is who He told me He is and He is my teacher. You can substitute a name like Higher Power as they do in Alcoholics Anonymous. It will still work because it is the truth.

If you read my first book “And His Bride Has Made Herself Ready”, you will see that I had an emotionally abusive childhood which, because of the deep lies I had planted inside me during those years, lies that told me I was unlovable, caused me to go into a severely dysfunctional marriage. During the 12 years that followed, my severe dysfunction became far more life threatening and destructive.

Jesus had come into my life and shown me how much He loved me. He had listened to me for a year or more and let me get all my fears, hurts and frustrations out. Then He had told me it was time to get well. At this time I had been living in dysfunction for 20 years. I was 34.

He told me that even though I had been abused in my childhood and my marriage, if I wanted to get well I had to stop looking at what had been done to me and to realise that I had the choice to stay emotionally crippled for the rest of my life, or I could take responsibility for who I was and decide to fight the battle and become well. This is about taking responsibility for myself by accepting that I was dysfunctional and I was responsible if I stayed like that. My parents and my husband were no longer keeping me that way. I was doing that to myself. I was still in the marriage and would be for another three years before my husband decided to leave me. But I could get free inside the marriage and the abuse which still went on. And this is exactly what happened.

The truth that helped me to only look at myself is that every one has lies and every one hurts others, their wives, their husbands, their children, their friends, to a greater or lesser degree. I would never get well if I let the abuse I suffered and continued to suffer, ruin my life. I could chose to see their dysfunction or unhealedness and not continue blame them. I could chose to get well whatever had happened or continued to happen. To stop the blame and to chose to heal ourselves by only looking at how we can change who we are is the most freeing way to live. It works. It also has an unexpected reward. When we chose to stop blaming and take responsibility for ourselves in who we are and who we want to become, we take away other people’s power over us to keep up their abusive ways. They then have to look at themselves and chose to change themselves or leave and find someone else to abuse. My husband chose to leave and find someone else to abuse.

I can never state strongly enough how important this principle is of taking full responsibility for ourselves and who we are with no blame on any one else no matter what they have done to us. It works. It will definitely lead us to healing and wholeness. It may lead to restored marriages and friendships, to any kind of relationships.

The sad part is, if you chose to not let go of what has been done to you and continue to blame others, you can never be healed. In fact I do not believe you can even begin this journey to wholeness. The choice is yours. It is your responsibility who you become in this life.

You might like to read Chapter 2 of “And His Bride Has Made Herself Ready”.

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