The first step is finding out what your lie is. And it is a misnomer to say “your lie”, as there are more than one, but only one severely deep one that is controlling your life and stopping your from being free. We actually speak our lies out to ourselves regularly, but we are so used to hearing them, we do not notice what we are saying. So the first task is to learn to listen to ourselves. Quite often, as I am mentoring people through this thing, I will say to them, “Did you just hear what you said about yourself?” The answer is always no. And even when I tell them what they said, they are not aware of having said it. This is how the subconscious mind is constantly fed. We ourselves speak words that come from deep inside us, that the mind hears and feeds on. Negative words, damaging words. This is why we do not focus on who damaged us, like our parents, because we have taken over the job of damaging ourselves. Therefore we are responsible for our condition now and whether we get free or not, and STOP DOING IT.
So the first step is to find someone who wants to get free also and who will partner with us in listening to each other and find out exactly what we are saying to ourselves that is continuing to damage us. Of course I had the best partner in the world, The Lord Jesus, but anyone who is committed to their own wholeness and your wholeness, will be able to hear and to help both you and themselves.
So I want to give you the equation and go through it thoroughly so you can understand exactly what you are trying to hear.
The equation is unusual words, absolutes, I statements. Three things. I am going to use my deep lie to show you how these things are demonstrated. My Deep Lie was;
There is something radically wrong with me but I am too stupid to know it. Even my own mother cannot love me. Therefore I am unlovable. No one will ever be able to love me.
Unusual words; the first one is radically. This word does not leave any room for improvement. It is a death sentence. Who can get better when there is something RADICALLY wrong with you.
I statements; I am too stupid to know it. In fact I am quite intelligent with a well above average IQ. The I statement is almost always the exact opposite of who you really are. So you can look at your I statements and know, when you are free, you will be the exact opposite of what your I statements tell you that you are. Ugly becomes beautiful, a horrible person becomes someone very special, useless becomes someone very capable, a failure becomes a success. You will have fun when you first discover your deep lie in turning it around and realising who you really are and will become.
The second I statement is I am unlovable. As I have become free, I have become delightful, a very special word,and I now live in this word.
Absolutes; These are really bad words as they are the death sentence to wholeness words. My lie was full of them. The first is TOO. It is worse to be TOO stupid than to be just stupid. There would seem to be no coming out of being TOO stupid. Yet now I am known for my wisdom and many seek to have me advise them.
The second is EVEN. Everyone knows mothers love their children unconditionally. Yet my mothers behaviour towards me proved to me that she was unable to love me. EVEN a mother could not love me. Pretty unlovable. I need to put a piece of information in here that is really important. Children always take the blame when things are not right in their family of origin. My mother could not love me, but I absolutely believed this was because of who I was. I used to think, “If only I were prettier, more intelligent, better behaved, more loveable, she would be able to love me.” But the truth was that she had suffered a severely abused and deprived childhood herself because of a deeply alcoholic mother. This was the real reason she could not love me. She had not been loved and so she could not love. This is the reason we never blame parents because they are suffering the effects of the things their parents did to them, every generation, all the way back to Adam and Eve.
The next two go together somewhat. NO-ONE and EVER. Not one person in the whole world and no matter how long I live. Absolute death sentence. What future can you have if NO-ONE EVER will be able to love you. There is no future. There is total hopelessness. And the sad thing is I accepted that this would be my future; NO-ONE EVER. And so no one did because I carried this banner over my head, or written in ink on my forehead; ABSOLUTELY UNLOVABLE DONT EVEN BOTHER TO TRY. And I just let everything happen to me without question. Because when you are THAT unlovable, it doesn’t matter what happens to you.
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