A tiny baby damaged

The damage to my first baby girl continued. The doctor eventually got her to stay in the birth canal opening but upside down. This meant for both of us a much longer, 32 hours, delivery, much more painful and more dangerous. When she was finally born, after a forced beginning of labour before the natural process was allowed to start, I got one quick hold of her then she was taken into a humidicrib because of the trauma she had suffered and because of the cord being around her neck when she was born. More damage. We were not able to bond at all. She was again alone fighting every new experience. I believe in those days, 1965, the doctors and nurses were not aware of the need for a mother and baby to bond. The babies were kept in a nursery and only came out for feeding. I did not see her again for 48 hours. More abandonment. And I was getting frantic as I thought there must have been something wrong with her that they were not telling me about. Also fathers were not allowed in the delivery room.

And the damage still continued. The nursery was full of conjunctivitis and she picked it up. She did not open her eyes for six weeks after birth. I did not even know what colour her eyes were. They were the most beautiful deep blue. She was a very beautiful baby. But her tear ducts were blocked and her eyes watered continually. She had to go and have them probed with a needle when she was 6 months old. I was not allowed to be with her. I had to sit in the waiting room and listen to her scream. Of course they had to hold her down. More damage for this tiny life.

The severe circumstances of my pregnancy and the birth process, the months of bed rest, had also damaged me physically. I was left very weak and sick for 6 months after. And left in extreme pain because of a doctor who had been in the yacht club drinking all Sunday afternoon, Samantha was born at 8pm on the Sunday night, and, I believe, should not have done such a complicated delivery. He cut me too deeply at the time of delivery and scared me physically for life. For 6 months after the birth I was in such pain, I could not bond with my daughter. Then, when she was 12 weeks old, I came down with pleurisy and lost my milk immediately because of the high temperature. The one bonding we could do as mother and daughter was taken from her and I believe this was the severest damage.

Next time how the Lord has shown me how this affected her.

The source of this original Lie.

The whole of the plan for this Original Lie is to damage the soul and spirit of every person born so they will never be able to become who they are meant to be in this world. And the damage can start in the womb. There is not a person anywhere born who does not have an Original Lie planted in them. It goes back to Adam and Eve and their Lies going in when they ate of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. They immediately thought bad things about themselves, as soon as they realised what they had done. Thoughts like “I only had one commandment to keep, do not eat from one tree in the garden, and I could not even do this.” ” God could not possibly love me now I have been disobedient.” “I am not worthy of His love.” “I am such a stupid person.” And many many more. Lucifer knew the results of them eating from the tree would be that they would believe bad things about themselves and it would stop their ability to become who God made them to be. In fact they would believe lies about themselves from that time on. Continue reading The source of this original Lie.

Even From Conception

I had three children in my first marriage, a daughter, then a son, and then another daughter. But my older daughter always perplexed me. She was so different to me. My son and second daughter were like me and so I could relate to them and love them. But because the older girl was so different, I found her difficult to love.

One day I heard the Lord say to me, “Write down everything that happened in your pregnancy with her.” I was amazed. My pregnancy with her was so different to the other two children, even from before conception. I had lost two pregnancies before I conceived her. A young married woman trying to have a baby and I have lost my first two attempts. Because of the abuse I had suffered and the Original Lie I had within me, I became very fearful that I would never carry a baby full term. I only weighed 38 kilos and was very fragile. The loss of the first two had made me more fragile in both physical and emotional areas. And my husband was demanding a child. I had to produce. Continue reading Even From Conception