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I WISH YOU ENOUGH!
Recently, I overheard a Mother and Daughter in their last moments together at the airport as the Daughter’s departure had been announced. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the Mother said:
“I love you and I wish you enough.”
The Daughter replied, “Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom.” They kissed and the Daughter left.
I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, “Did you ever say Good-Bye to someone knowing it would be forever?” “Yes, I have,” I replied. “Forgive me for asking but why is this a forever Good-Bye?”
“I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is the next trip back will be for my funeral,” she said.
When you were saying Good-Bye, I heard you say, “I wish you enough.” May I ask what that means?”
She began to smile. “That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.” She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more.
“When we said ‘I wish you enough’ we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them”. Then turning toward me, she shared the following, reciting it from memory,
“I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.”
She then began to cry and walked away.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person. An hour to appreciate them. A day to love them. And an entire life to forget them.
Author: Bob Perks
In the beginning there was God. There was only God. But He was a Creative and Creating God. He was also a Loving, Giving and Good God. Being everything He was, meant He had to be who He was in His attributes. His very presence meant He had to create. And everything He created had to be Good because He is Loving and Giving and He could not create evil or taking or unloving. His plan for the foundation for this amazing place He was creating was that it would be as He was, good and loving and giving. But His very essence meant He had to give the right to His creation to have choice in being as He is. It would not work in the way His loving and Giving and Goodness wanted it to work unless He gave His creation free will to be as He is, or to chose not to be as He is. Unfortunately one of His most beautiful creations used this free choice to bring the opposite quantities into this beautiful creation. Lucifer. He released hated and evil and taking. I believe spiritually the opposites were always there. But they need never have been released if the whole of God’s creation chose to be as He is. Lucifer didn’t and so we have all the problems we have in the world today. Continue reading The Foundation
I live in an Independent Village on the Northern Beaches of Sydney. I have lived here 12 years. When I was first here and younger, I went out quite often at night. When I drove back into the carpark at about 10pm, I would quite often see this little cat,a stripped tabby, with a very pretty face. As I am a cat lover, I would try to befriend her. I had assumed she was a girl because of the very pretty face and because she was quite a small cat even though obviously fully grown. She would not let me come near her. If I tried she would run off. However she would sit and listen to me talk to her, tell her how beautiful she was. There were a few cats that frequented our village at this time, and the management checked up on them all and it was found out she belonged to a family a little further down our street. She did have a home and a family. But our village backs onto a national park and so is very popular with cats. There were four coming at this time. But things were about to change Continue reading Lessons from a Little Cat
I love the story Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Every problem that communication and relationships suffer from today has it’s roots back there when these two ate a piece of fruit from a tree they were told not to eat from. They had a garden filled to overflowing with an abundance of fruit of every kind. Just one tree they were not to eat from. But we all know the ending. The serpent tempted Eve to want to eat from the tree. Then she tricked Adam into eating. And humankind has suffered ever since. This week it has come back very strongly how important the consequences of what they did are to the maturity of every human who has lived since and up to every human alive today.
Of course I talk about the Lies we carry around inside us that came originally into Adam and Eve from the disobedience of the one act. There was no negatives in the Garden. And suddenly there was lies and the biggest problem to come from eating; BLAME. Before eating they lived by an incredible principle God taught them. Every thing that happened to them was just a learning experience. If they tried something in the garden or in their relationship, and it worked, they learnt. But if they did something that did not work, they still just learnt. There was no condemnation in the garden. Everything was for them to learn from. God had told them to tend and keep the garden and the animals. Sometimes they did not get it right. But they did not blame each other or the weather, or anything else. They just learnt a better way to do it.
But after they ate from this tree of the knowledge of good and evil, Blame came in. Adam blamed God and Eve. “The woman you gave me.” Eve of course blamed the serpent. “The serpent made me do it.” But the truth was and is, each was responsible to be obedient to one simple command. Do not eat from this particular tree. Everything will always go well if you just do not eat from THIS tree. They were able to not blame before eating from THIS tree. Now they could not. And the world today thrives on BLAME. Even in the simplest problems, in our own lives, everyone does it. It is the hardest thing for humans to just say, “Yes I did that and I should not have. But it is the key to maturity. It is the key to wholeness. It is the absolute key timepiece in ourselves. It is the most freeing thing we will ever do. Don’t give the serpent a toehold. Just say “Yes I did not do that correctly.” That leads to the next step they practiced in the garden. What can I learn from this experience that will help me to get it right next time. We have had an incredible example this week of how the lies inside us, so deeply hidden, can still control us even after years of fighting the lies and learning.
I was so blessed because the Lord Jesus was my teacher. He did not pull any punches with me. He told it to me straight. Even though you have has an incredibly abusive childhood, and even though you are married a man who does not treat you as you should be treated, if you continue to look at what your parents and your husband have done to you and continue to do to you, YOU WILL NEVER GET WELL. You must stop the blame and only look at what you have contributed to the problem. You must take the whole responsibility for what has happened. It is simple, even though the man you are married to does dreadful things, if you will look at what you are contributing to the problem, you will get free and become well. And it worked. I became well and he didn’t. Because even after he left the marriage, he continued to ring me up every now and again and tell me how horrible I was For thirty years. Even after he had remarried. Bur I always only focused on the fact that what I had contributed to the dysfunction of the marriage would have caused it to fail anyway. What did I contribute? I was always sick, always unhappy, never a joy to be around, withdrawn, blaming his drinking for all the problems. So for three years I focused on just looking at my deficiencies, and I blossomed in the situation. He still left the marriage. Today we are friends. But he has not looked at himself and what he has done wrong in any situation in his whole life, and so does not have what I have. Abundant Life. Deep happiness. Peace. Health. Laughter.
A young friend this week after years of walking in the principles I teach, discovered she had not embraced the principle of only looking at herself. She looked at another person and it was because the lie in side her caused her to. And she lost her peace. But God had set the situation up to teach her this very important issue. What did your lie cause tyou to do wrong in the situation. When the answers came she has had revelation after revelation. And has in a day achieved more than all the previous years. She is now in a place of freedom she will never come out of.
God says He does not hold any responsible under the age of twenty. But once we turn twenty, we are responsible for every thought, every feeling, every action. Us and us only. It does not matter what the other person does. We are responsible for our own stuff. Once we come to fully accept this, we are on the path to freedom. The quicker we accept and stop any and all BLAME, the quicker we become free. We cannot return to the physical place called the garden of Eden, but we can return to the way Adam and Eve lived there in peace and fulfilment and happiness, until serpent interfered.
The first step is finding out what your lie is. And it is a misnomer to say “your lie”, as there are more than one, but only one severely deep one that is controlling your life and stopping your from being free. We actually speak our lies out to ourselves regularly, but we are so used to hearing them, we do not notice what we are saying. So the first task is to learn to listen to ourselves. Quite often, as I am mentoring people through this thing, I will say to them, “Did you just hear what you said about yourself?” The answer is always no. And even when I tell them what they said, they are not aware of having said it. This is how the subconscious mind is constantly fed. We ourselves speak words that come from deep inside us, that the mind hears and feeds on. Negative words, damaging words. This is why we do not focus on who damaged us, like our parents, because we have taken over the job of damaging ourselves. Therefore we are responsible for our condition now and whether we get free or not, and STOP DOING IT.
So the first step is to find someone who wants to get free also and who will partner with us in listening to each other and find out exactly what we are saying to ourselves that is continuing to damage us. Of course I had the best partner in the world, The Lord Jesus, but anyone who is committed to their own wholeness and your wholeness, will be able to hear and to help both you and themselves.
So I want to give you the equation and go through it thoroughly so you can understand exactly what you are trying to hear.
The equation is unusual words, absolutes, I statements. Three things. I am going to use my deep lie to show you how these things are demonstrated. My Deep Lie was;
There is something radically wrong with me but I am too stupid to know it. Even my own mother cannot love me. Therefore I am unlovable. No one will ever be able to love me.
Unusual words; the first one is radically. This word does not leave any room for improvement. It is a death sentence. Who can get better when there is something RADICALLY wrong with you.
I statements; I am too stupid to know it. In fact I am quite intelligent with a well above average IQ. The I statement is almost always the exact opposite of who you really are. So you can look at your I statements and know, when you are free, you will be the exact opposite of what your I statements tell you that you are. Ugly becomes beautiful, a horrible person becomes someone very special, useless becomes someone very capable, a failure becomes a success. You will have fun when you first discover your deep lie in turning it around and realising who you really are and will become.
The second I statement is I am unlovable. As I have become free, I have become delightful, a very special word,and I now live in this word.
Absolutes; These are really bad words as they are the death sentence to wholeness words. My lie was full of them. The first is TOO. It is worse to be TOO stupid than to be just stupid. There would seem to be no coming out of being TOO stupid. Yet now I am known for my wisdom and many seek to have me advise them.
The second is EVEN. Everyone knows mothers love their children unconditionally. Yet my mothers behaviour towards me proved to me that she was unable to love me. EVEN a mother could not love me. Pretty unlovable. I need to put a piece of information in here that is really important. Children always take the blame when things are not right in their family of origin. My mother could not love me, but I absolutely believed this was because of who I was. I used to think, “If only I were prettier, more intelligent, better behaved, more loveable, she would be able to love me.” But the truth was that she had suffered a severely abused and deprived childhood herself because of a deeply alcoholic mother. This was the real reason she could not love me. She had not been loved and so she could not love. This is the reason we never blame parents because they are suffering the effects of the things their parents did to them, every generation, all the way back to Adam and Eve.
The next two go together somewhat. NO-ONE and EVER. Not one person in the whole world and no matter how long I live. Absolute death sentence. What future can you have if NO-ONE EVER will be able to love you. There is no future. There is total hopelessness. And the sad thing is I accepted that this would be my future; NO-ONE EVER. And so no one did because I carried this banner over my head, or written in ink on my forehead; ABSOLUTELY UNLOVABLE DONT EVEN BOTHER TO TRY. And I just let everything happen to me without question. Because when you are THAT unlovable, it doesn’t matter what happens to you.
More in Three
This Original Lie that I teach is one of the simplest way to achieve healing from childhood hurts. It works. I am walking proof of this. You can either believe it and put in the effort and become free. Or you can choose not to. That is your right. Continue reading How to fight the lie; The beginning
I want to write more about my father and his dysfunction. Firstly the little I know about his childhood. He was born to Irish parents and his mother, in particular was extremely bound down by the Irish superstitions. Her whole life was governed by them. To me it is insanity, yes, but extreme dysfunction to believe that throwing a handful of salt over your shoulder can stop bad luck, or any one of a number of completely irrational beliefs she lived by. And so, of course, caused her husband and son to live by. My father was her only child. He was born after she went through the sad experiences of 3 still born baby boys. She smothered him completely. Fear that something might happen to him bound her, and so him also. When my mother met him, he was the leader of the resident band on radio station 4GR Toowoomba. He had an exceptional gift for music. He could hear a song on the radio and go over to his piano and play it perfectly. But he had never held any other job. He was, as I have found musicians are, extremely temperamental. He was also extremely dysfunctional. After they married, if something upset him, he would go to bed and not move for 2 or 3 or 4 days, and not eat, shower, speak, go to work, until he felt he had punished my mother enough. She would spend the whole of however many days it was sitting on the floor beside the bed, begging him to speak to her, have sex with her, any response at all. She never got one until he was ready. But his mother had kept him a little boy because of her fear of losing him. And she had spoilt him, giving him his way in everything, and he carried this into adulthood.
When I was 12, I woke up one morning vomiting green bile and in extreme stomach pain. I was diagnosed with acute appendicitis. My parents were told I needed an immediate operation to remove it. I lay in a hospital bed all day until about 6 pm that night before my father would give permission for the operation. He just kept saying that no daughter of his would ever have an operation. No, it was not on religious grounds. It was just pure dysfunction. Unable to face reality. By the time he gave his permission, the appendix had begun to rupture and I was lucky to live. My healing time was far more than it should have been if he had signed the papers early that day.
Then, because of the method of dripping ether onto a mask to put you to sleep for an operation, no injections in those days, I lost a lot of my medium and long range sight. When I came out of the operation, I could not see properly. My father again refused to allow me to have glasses as, again, no daughter of his would ever have to wear glasses. What did this make me. Not his daughter? Certainly ugly and unlovable.
This is just one type of dysfunction, the one I grew up with. It damaged me severely. It left me feeling unvalued, unloved, uncared for; he didn’t care if I died, if I was in extreme pain, if I could see the blackboard at school. There are many types of dysfunction.
So to the next damage growing up in a dysfunctional family does. I always knew that my parents were dysfunctional, but I knew I was okay, even though for many years, I displayed dysfunctional behaviour myself, and in fact, ended up in a psychiatric hospital with a very unusual mental illness when I was 34. But to admit that you come from a dysfunctional family is very hard to deal with. I was able to do it, but I have come across a significant number who are completely unable to admit that they come from a dysfunctional family. If your parents are inarguably dysfunctional, what does that make you? The answer is, of course, dysfunctional also. So hard to admit to. But without “owning it” as it is called today, we cannot heal from it. Being dysfunctional is the truth, it is not a Lie we can fight. It is something we have to admit to, definitely not embrace, but acknowledge so we can heal it. I found my strength to admit it came from knowing that my parents were dysfunctional, but they chose to stay this way. I looked for anything that would help me to heal, that would show me that I did not have to be like them. That I was dysfunctional because they were, yes, but I did not have to stay like that. I could make different choices to them.
The most important thing that helped me was to not hold anything against them for their behaviour to me as a child. I came to realise that dysfunction was a byproduct of Original Lies planted in each of us in childhood, and that everyone has one, and that we are all affected by damaged childhoods because there are no parents without their own Original Lies. Therefore, they did do the best they could, within their own Lies. It is a very hard thing to come to fight these lies, and I am daily grateful that I have found the way to get rid of my original Lie so I can live a functional life. I hope you will come to admit your dysfunction, to whatever depth it goes, and chose to fight it, so you can be free. After years of going to psychiatrists and counsellors, it is the only thing that worked for me. And I have seen it set a number of others free over the last years, depending on how hard they worked and how much they wanted freedom.
There are two “D” words I use frequently. I have written recently about the first “D” word, different. Different is something that is good and that is part of our essence. It is something that lucifer tries, and largely succeeds, in damaging in us, and turning to a negative quality. We need to embrace being different. The other “D” word is very different. It is not something we are born to be, not something that is part of our essence, not something that we can embrace. This word is dysfunctional. Dysfunctional is something we become because of abuse or neglect, or many childhood experiences that can damage us. Dysfunction is a byproduct solely of the lies planted in parents and passed down to us, every generation from Adam and Eve. They were the first dysfunctional parents and their dysfunction led to one of their sons murdering his brother. That is pretty extreme. But that is where dysfunction in parents can lead to. Dysfunction needs to be dealt with very differently. Do not embrace it because it is never meant to be part of who we are. Continue reading Two “D” Words
I still remember the day my Original Lie took root in my spirit and I began to live by it. For you see this is what we do. We live by it. I was fourteen. I had suffered a lot of severe emotional abuse from my mother and absolute disinterest from my father. My mother had been on a drinking binge in the attic of our home for at least a week. I knew she was drinking because I could hear the bottles being dropped on the wooden floor upstairs at night when I was in bed trying to sleep. And one morning there had been blood on the wall of the staircase where she had come downstairs during the night and fallen and hurt herself. There is a mystery here; children love their mothers even when the mothers are really bad at being mothers. I always loved my mother. I was worried for her, that she would die. I asked my father what was wrong with my mother. He lied. He said there was nothing wrong with her. But I knew there was. Continue reading We Become Our Lie