I have now finished outlining the original Lie concept, so now, each month, I will just write of my experiences in walking to freedom over the last 39 years. This has been my journey. Many years ago the Lord told me He would give me the Keys to the Kingdom of Heaven. I had just met Him and had no idea what the keys to the kingdom meant. I now know that having the keys and living in them, is freedom. The freedom to be fully who I am, with no fear at all, especially fear of man. As I write each month, if you have ears to hear and if you put these principles into practice, you will find the freedom I have.
Up until sometime is 1976, nothing had ever gone right in my life. I am not going to write the details at this time, but they will unfold as I write each month. I have had an experience in my life that no one can argue with because this is truth. It isn’t just what I believe, it is what I have experienced. At thirty four I was placed in a psychiatric facility in Woden Valley Hospital in Canberra for assessment. I had no reflex response in my feet or in my knees. Yet my legs were in severe pain. There was something going wrong in my body and it wasn’t physical. The psyche hospital did not hospitalise me because they thought I was not a danger to myself or others. And I did not have any obvious mental illness. But I was a mess. I had grown up with severe childhood abuse, and lived in an extremely destructive domestic violence marriage.
Because I had withdrawn at 14 years of age, I was not able to communicate my problems to the psychiatrist. So I did not get any help from the every Wednesday for three years visit to a psychiatrist. I did get some help from the group therapy which I attended for 6 months. But because I was terrified by what was happening to me, I had unknowingly called out into the universe for help. I had no belief in God or anything else. I was just desperate and I cried out, very loudly. Someone made Himself known to me and came every weekday for three years to speak to me and guide me and teach me. Of course He came in the spiritual. I could not see Him, but I could feel His presence and hear his voice.
The first thing He told me to do was to stop looking at what had been done to me in my life, no matter how horrendous it had been, and still was, and look only at what I had contributed to my life to come to the state I was in, and what I could do to change my contribution to the dysfunction. I was so desperate and frightened, I would have tried anything. What He was asking me to do was to take responsibility for myself and my condition. I could get well if I chose to walk as He taught me. And to stop blaming those who had hurt me. To admit to the fact that, since I had become an adult, over 21 years, I had done nothing to help myself. I let everything happen to me. I did not try to fight back. This included rape in marriage by a drunken husband, severe emotional abuse as in being told every day what a terrible person I was, especially tearing down every good thing about me until I believed there was nothing good in me, and mental abuse as in having my five year old son taken away in a vehicle late at night, driven by a husband who was very drunk and should not have been driving, and not knowing for 6 weeks where they were or if they were even still alive. And this was just the tip of the iceberg. I am glad the government is talking of doing something about domestic violence as no one really knows just how bad it is unless, like me, you have lived in it. It is much, much worse than anyone outside realises. But being powerless in the situation was not helping me, it wasn’t helping my alcoholic husband, and it was damaging my children. How was I to go about getting some power back in my life? Well I did it, even in the three years I was still in the marriage, and nothing changed in the abuse. He ended up leaving me and going and finding another woman to abuse, because he could not cope with me becoming stronger and getting some power back. I had found a key to freedom that worked! More next month.